1. Herod lived in a big creepy castle in Grayskull, with a raven for a friend that perched on his shoulder. He paced up and down and drank from a spooky goblet made of bones, and stroked his goatee beard. He called his minions and said, Minions, I want an update on the slaughtering of the innocents, or as I like to call them, the crown-stealing little bastards. And his minions replied, It goes well, my dark lord, we've killed hundreds of them. And Herod replied, Yes, but have you killed the one who threatens my power the most?
2. Oh, said the minions, we thought you meant well in terms of quantity. But it's safe to say that we have slaughtered the one that's given you restless nights. Restless nights!, Herod boomed, I do not have restless nights, for I am incredibly evil. And he cackled cruelly. Mwahaha!
3. Herod was pleased that the boy was taken care of, and stirred his cauldron with satisfaction. Now that the boy is dead, I will reign supreme forever! Mwahaha!, he said, until a minion reminded him that he had been given only three months to live by the doctor. And Herod was sad.
4. Mary and Joseph had been hiding behind a pyramid in Egypt until the coast was clear, and then made their way back to Nazareth, where Joseph had just opened a new furniture shop. And they proudly showed off their new child, but kept quiet about him being the son of God because they didn't want to hamper his development by increasing pressure of expectation. Elizabeth brought her son round and told them, This is John, he's going to be a baptist, he's currently breastfeeding and my tits feel like chewed toffees. And Mary replied, This is Jesus, he's fairly special too. I'm using formula because Joseph likes my two new handfuls, and since he's not allowed to have sex with me, I thought I should give him something he can look at. And Joseph excused himself from the conversation and visited Mary Magdalen, who lived down the lane.
5. And time passed, and soon Jesus was a little boy walking around and talking to people, and Joseph found a grey pube.
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2 comments:
There are some people who may be able to help you, you know??...Or maybe not...
i wanna read the rest, please do some more, this is much more fun than the 'real' thing.
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